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namelessstoryteller · 5 years ago

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I'm not like her other friends

Recently got a message from friend I'm calling Linn. Linn was my first friend when I started High School, and I made friends with Anna and Joe, who were her childhood friends, and a chick I chatted to in homeroom named Freda, who was Linn's bff.

Two events started the downfall from me getting kicked out of this group. I felt like a taxi driver while driving Linn and Freda around on Halloween, and mentioned to Linn, hey I don't like being a third wheel afterwards. So whenever she brought up hanging out with Freda, as I was the only friend with a car, I always rejected it. The second was I brought us tickets to Impractical Jokers, our fav show that was touring in our town that year. She agreed to pay me back the 70 over time. This was the only time I ever asked her for money in the 6 to 7 years of friendship.

Linn never had much money so I hung with her and brought the tickets, the food, and the events. I hung out with her because I could always make her laugh and loved our shared interests.

However, turns out everything that was said, was shared between Joe, Freda, family, and others. I got a bf and wanted to ask her yknow girl/perverted questions, I wanted a conversation about this stuff with her as we been friends for years and I only knew her attempts at relationships. I made her feel uncomfortable with this open conversation. I apologized but I learned this was shared with everyone and I was a bad friend for not noticing the signs.

A group chat was formed later on, with Joe, Freda, Linn, rando, and a chick named Iris. I knew Iris but I really don't know what side she was on throughout this whole thing, she had conversations with both of us and sent me screenshots from Linn, so I suspect she did the same for Linn. I made a comment, like "what up b*tches" and that fucking broke Freda. Apparently I hated her and it was aimed at her. And Im insensitive (which is a bit true but I have said worst, and Linn brings this up a lot later on).

I wanted an overnight hangout for spring break, I invited Linn, Joe, his gf, Anna, Iris. Linn knew I smoked and drank, but due to the friend group, I was never planning on bringing those items along. They didnt know I only invited them, my bestie, and a HS friend. Only Iris ever drank. Only my bestie smoked.

After hearing no, I gave up and just went to the hotel with my best friend and our HS friend. I had a good time playing uno. But Linn asked to hang that night and I told her I was doing this as I had planned a long time ago.

Apparently I got blocked from the friend group (i had it muted so I never noticed), i only noticed when I got invited back and saw the messages.

"That's so messed up of you S to leave one of your real friends whose been there for you" said iris.

It been planned for a long time, it was even planned with everyone in mind.

"I don't wanna start anything bc she'll just try 2 play the victim lol" "I don't trust her with alcohol and weed. But now I kinda don't trust her with a lot of things" "I mean if you look how Savannah grew up, you see why she is the way she is...." "I didn't like her mom the moment I saw her"

No, I had party friends and a pothead cousin. The mom comment is because my mom smokes cigarettes and Linn hated the smell and called her mom to leave my house. And I moved to my grandparents years later.

"She's reckless and tbh I'm sorry to say this but she is also kind of a hoe" said Joe. The same guy who wanted me to sleep with him when I had a bf for over a year. And he even said if I slept with him (while having a gf) that he would put in a good word. Linn agrees "I only want to find a bf and sleep with him. Not sleep with the whole town"

"Ig when I hang with her again I don't want drama but I have 2 talk 2 her maybe steer her on the right path maybe she's secretly sad. And puts her pain into weed and drinking"

No, when Im sad, I talk to you or my bestie, but then that gets shared to everyone so I stopped talking to you about my feelings.

I don't remember when this happened, but I made a comment about her oversized bra as she had tiny chachas. My mistake. Everyone has body issues, and that was hers, and I spent an hour apologizing as sometimes I do run my mouth. I just felt like the bra didn't mean much if it wasnt padded, but just there for air for her body type.

Through months of talking. Getting mad at each other. Stopped talking. Unfriending each other. Of how Im not like her other friends. We agreed on a movie. I sent her a msg at 10am asking if 10pm was a good time to go see a random movie, she read the message. I never got a message back until 9pm saying she was ready. I told her, dude message me sooner I thought you ignored me and got ready for bed. And she got mad I didn't tell her I got ready for bed while she was prepared to go out. I said it's a movie we can reschedule, it's too late to drive to her home and movies especially when it's opening night. This, of course, got her mad. I said Im sorry for the miscommunication on my part.

I heard back from her 3 days later, 4 days before the Impractical Jokers. "Are you still taking me to Impractical jokers?" At this point, I'm over these issues and her so I finally stood for a battle.

I replied, "Linn, how things are looking like right now, probably not. And I don't really feel bad since it wasnt paid." I told her I didn't want to because she more focus on the tickets when we still had last arguement.

She had 5 dollars, I told her at least 25 (not even half the price but it was something) or least try to pay me in small amounts. She said she was saving up for something so 15 at most, and I repiled like you tried saving up for these tickets.

She said "Ur like my only friend who wants me 2 pay back a concert ticket. Everyone else has brought it out of just being nice. But I did agree to pay back $70 which tbh is too much. So I said $15 but Idek bc rn I have $5" "U want me 2 ask ppl hey can u give me money bc my friend wants me 2 pay her back 4 a concert? They aint gonna do that Bc they're gonna say that's ur friend's problem"

It's your problem, Linn. Not mine.

She said this should be her bday gift, and when I brought up how much I spent on her throughout the years, she said "you never had to and Plus u should kinda do that out of being a good friend not do it 4 money btw....but now ik not 2 ask u 4 shit bc ur gonna want me 2 pay u back 4 it. I wouldn't want u 2 pay me back but that's just me 💁💁"

She msg me on my phone. Went through the cycle of her saying hey I can make payments now, and me saying it's too late since I already invited someone else, "Im money hungry/i never apologized", she had family issues and is broke, stop bringing up things in the past she already apologized for (when she brought up things I apologized for). How she kept me as a friend, how loyal she was, when all of her friends and family told her to drop me, who knew every single bad detail about me, every bad secret. Yes, this came up a lot during our disputes. Even when I told her I didn't care what her friends thought cuz I wanted just us talking.

I thought we liked to hang out together, but maybe it was just me who enjoyed those times. She always wanted someone else there. Anna, Iris and Joe I was okay with just in small amounts because of gas. Plus, those guys never had money either and I can only pay for so many. Maybe I was her friend because I had a car and okay with spending money.

So yes, I'm the bad apple. I've been living with the same guy for the last two and a half years, clean from weed for the last one and a half (bf told his dad he would stay clean, i only smoked because i was always offered some by others), drinking once a month.

And then Linn messaged me on my bday, happy birthday we should hang out with anna she misses you!

Uhuh. Sure. Maybe someday.

Sorry I had to rant since apparently I always saw myself as the victim. I did fuck up with the uncomfortable questions and bra comment. I felt I had these conversations with my other friends, so why not with the friend I had for the longest. But the movie ticket, like come on seriously?

Tl;dr toxic friendship turned bad, got witchhunted by my "friends" and money hungry for a ticket I brought.

#toxicity #toxic #broke bish #bad friends #insensitive #argument #heart break #bullies #witchhunt #seriously #toxic friends #toxic friendships

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buckymcbuttfacebarnes · 6 years ago

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nocturne

summary: bucky and y/n must finally define their relationship by confronting/acknowledging the darker parts of themselves.

word count: 4000 LOL

warnings: you bitches have arrived at angst city! uh they make out hee hee and theres a lot of swearing

a/n: a while ago i began a series called nocturne but i wasnt happy with how it turned out so i basically compiled the entire storyline into one part lemme know what yall think hee ALSO the beginning fluff is reminding me of like a movie or another book i read but i cant put my fucking finger on what it is!!!!!

masterlist

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“It’s not just that.”

“No?”

Bucky shakes his head, a coy smile curling at his mouth. She stares back at him questioningly, her eyebrow quirked.

“Oh no. It’s also that.”

“What?”

He takes a step forward, he shortens the length between them. He reaches out to touch her brow, still arched slightly. It only relaxes when the tips of his fingers touch her. She smiles.

“What else?”

She spoke timidly, the words lilting softly off her lips. Y/N had never been timid, in the year and a half that he had known her. It makes him grin, wicked and wide.

He did not have to think about his answer.

“Well,” Bucky sighs, shoulders rising and falling dramatically with the rhythm of his breath, “It’s also this here,” he touches her cheek, “and this,” her eyelid, “and this,” a fingertip slides down the bridge of her nose, “and this,” his hand cups her cheek again, his thumb slides gently across the swell of her lower lip.

Her heart beats wildly in her chest, so fast that she fears her ribcage might crack with the force of each pulse. She cannot help the way she leans into his touch, or the way she looks up at him—the way she might have looked at Dorian, had she loved him enough.

When their lips finally meet they are each filled with the beginnings of sweet satiation. Perhaps with this act they may finally be absolved of this unnerving desire that had been badgering them from the moment they met.

It was a Friday evening in the summertime, it was warm out. Y/N was seated on the back porch with the rest of the guests. The air was thick with the humidity, but she didn’t mind. It seemed that none of them did either, all too excited to be liberated from another week of mundane days filled with mind-numbing work. Weekend liberation, along with the alcohol that they guzzled, relaxed all of them.

After suffering through a solid half hour of stilted conversation (though it felt like an eternity) with these unfamiliar companions, she excused herself into the kitchen, claiming to want another beer.

“Grab me one too, baby?” Dorian, her fiance and the only person she knew at the dinner party, requested with a small smile. It was the first time he’d acknowledged her presence in the past hour.

The cool air of the house was a nice reprieve from the wet heat of the outdoors. In the kitchen she popped the lid to a beer bottle and stood sipping it, leant against the countertop as she began contemplate an escape plan. Can’t go home, she sighed with defeat. Dorian was her ride home.

She was on her way back out with an unopened beer in tow, but the tinkling of piano keys made her stray from her path, leading her down the hall, towards the noise.

Y/N didn’t realize it at first, but the man perched at the piano bench he was another one of the ‘friends’ of Dorian’s that she had yet to gel with. During dinner he had been quiet, so quiet that she didn’t even catch his name.

The notes were soft and melodious, but every few beats or so there came the jarring sound of a misplaced note. Still, she was entranced by the music—conversation with her future-husband’s co-workers paled in comparison. He seemed uncomfortable with the keys. Stiff fingers jumped from one note to the next, up and down the length of the piano. There was the falter of a note, something misplaced, yet he continued on.

She held her breath as she watched, nerous for him. If she exhaled too loudly she might have disrupted his playing,

It didn’t matter anyway. Another slip of a finger. It was the gentle push of a wrong key brought a harshly abrupt ending to the song. He hung his head in tired frustration. He stayed like that for a long moment before bringing angry hands down onto the keys, creating a harsh discordant slew of notes that made her wince.

“Was that your own?”

After a long pause the pianist lifted his head, revealing bright eyes and sharp cheekbones. Left unsurprised by her presence, he regarded her with a rather blank expression.

“That song, I mean.”

“No. It’s not.” His azure eyes were watching her intently, she resisted the sudden urge to fidget beneath his lingering stare. “It’s originally Chopin, but, as you heard,” he turned his bitter gaze to the keys beneath his hovering fingertips (five metal, five flesh, she noticed), “I like to put my own spin on things sometimes.”

“I thought it was beautiful.”

He laughed, a hostile grating noise that seemed to mimic the frustrated cacophony of random notes that he had made moments before. It brought goosebumps to the surface of her skin. G

“Why aren’t you out there?” He asked, interrupting the uneasy silence in which she had attempted an exit.

“I came inside to grab a drink...but then I heard you playing.”

He sighed, his eyes finding hers again and he nodded his head slowly. “I was going to leave earlier, but then I saw this piano.” He ran a gentle hand along the top, then pulled it away and shrugged his broad shoulders. “A beautiful piano like this deserves to be played.” He blew air into his cheeks. “Rumlow’s a jackass. I know he definitely can’t play, he’s the type to buy a piano because it makes him feel cultured...or something.” His upper lip curled in distaste.

Y/N smiled, amused. “I don’t have the pleasure of knowing him too well.”

“Huh, lucky you.”

“You don’t like him.”

“Oh, you can tell?” he remarked airily. He didn’t smile, just looked along with those brilliant eyes, unsettlingly clear. They shined bright with something that she couldn’t quite comprehend. Anger? At himself, at Rumlow? Annoyance, with her perhaps for listening in on his flawed playing?

She remembered the unopened beer in her hand, “I should probably go and—”

“You play piano?” He interrupted.

She shook her head and smiled, “I wish. It’s so beautiful.” She sent hr gaze down to the keys, where his hands still rested.

He shifted, folding his arms over his chest, tucking his hands away beneath his armpits. “Why don’t you?”

“Never had the time to learn, I guess.”

The man gave a glassy smile, brows lifting in a way that appeared slightly condescending.

“What?”

He ignored her, “So if you don’t know Rumlow, why are you here?”

Her nose wrinkled slightly, and she shifted—a feeble defense to disguise her discomfort as annoyance. She fumbled for the words to say next. “You were at dinner weren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“We discussed this at dinner.”

“Guess I wasn’t listening.” There was the hint of a cold smile still curled on his lips. He beckoned to her with his flesh hand. “You gonna drink that?”

“My boyfriend—my fiance,” she corrected herself as she handed over the beer, “ wanted me to meet his work friends.”

He tucked his metal hand away into his pocket.

“Which one’s he?”

“Dorian.”

There was a look of recognition that passed over his features like a shadow.

“You know him.”

“Unfortunately,” he spoke languidly, “So why aren’t you out there again, Y/N?”

The sound of her name rolling off his tongue surprised her. “I thought you said you weren’t listening.”

He shrugged, face expectant.

“I told you I came in to grab a drink, then I heard you playing.”

“But you’re still here.”

They were each indulging themselves in this vaguely uncomfortable back and forth, neither of them really knew where it was going. Y/N wondered why she was still lingering, Bucky wondered why he insisted on keeping her near. Why was he so intent on making her feel uncomfortable? Why did she keep looking at him like that? With the tilt of her head and the challenging look in her eye? It was different. Typically he got pity, this girl was giving him something different.

“I’m still here because you keep asking me questions.”

The pianist took a swig of his drink, nodding. Then he asked in that disinterested manner of his, “You gonna go back out there?”

“Are you?”

He shut the fallboard of the piano with his free hand, before hiding it away again. “No.”

“I’m gonna head out, Y/N.”

She liked the way he said her name then, with so much emphasis. He was trying to prove a point: See? I had been listening. “Tell everyone I said goodnight.”

Just like that, he had disappeared from her line of sight. He had left her to simmer in her confusion, her inexplicable attraction. It took a few long silent moments until she decided to chase after him. She caught him at the front door, he was halfway out. When he turned there was a smile on his face, as if he had been expecting her somehow.

“I didn’t catch your name,” she blurted.

“It’s James.”

His lips are sweet and taste like plums. They are sin, they are laced with poison. Hers are sweet like candy, they are heaven.

They should not be doing this.

His fingers are spread wide because he wants to feel every inch of her, every piece of her. He touches her first over her clothes, the thin fabric of her t-shirt is enough to keep his hot hands from setting her skin alight. He presses her against the piano, his instrument, and presses himself against her. He needs to feel her. He has to. She touches him too.

Her arms stay clasped securely around his neck, yet somehow it feels to him as if she is on him everywhere. She is more than just this. More than just a body. She is her body, her voice, her breaths. She is the air that he is inhaling and what he feels beneath his palms. She is the heat rising in his chest and the faint red blush that crawls up his neck as he kisses her with such conviction: Yes, this is meant to be.

But it’s not just this and this and this, he thinks to himself. It is also that I adore you.

A hand slips up her shirt. When his hands touch her they burn her skin.She knew it was wrong. She shoves him away with such a force that he stumbles back, shocked.

Y/N appears just as shocked as him, perhaps even a little more so. Her hand flies up to her lips, touching them in disbelief, her chest rises and falls rapidly. Her eyes flick up to meet his gaze.

“Fuck you,” she blurts.

“What?” But Bucky knows exactly what she means. He smiles.

“Are you fucking happy now?” She turns around, sends her gaze up the ceiling, then back to the floor, cursing herself all the while.

“Y/N, truly, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, fuck off. I came over here thinking you just wanted to talk and we would—I’m such an idiot.” She squeezes her eyes shut, maybe if she squeezed them tight enough and wished hard enough, she would open her eyes and be somewhere else. She would be at home with her fiance of two years...where she was supposed to be.

“C’mon, Y/N!” He laughs when she pushes past him to get to the doorway. He doesn’t move out of her way. “What’s the big deal, doll? It was just a kiss.”

“You know what the big deal is, you fuck.”

He revels in the way she spits her words at him, each syllable laced with a fatal sort of venom. This was the Y/N he knew and damn near loved.

“No, I don’t think I do.”

“Get out of my damn way, Bucky, or I swear to God—”

“Swear to God what?” he challenges, his countenance mirrors one of an insolent child.

He blocks the doorway with his broad frame, each arm rests comfortably against each edge of the entryway. His grin only falls just slightly when he sees the gleam of tears in her eyes. Still she is the most wondrous thing he’s ever seen.

“I’m married.” “You’re engaged.” Then after a moment, “And you have been for two years, might I add.”

That’s when she does that thing with her mouth, when she screws it up just slightly and her nostrils flare. She shoves him hard with both hands. He knows that it only makes her angrier when he laughs.

“I mean, come on, Y/N. The guy’s a real dick anyway!”

When he sat back in his chair, his pink lips quirked upwards into a smile, “Calling me a pianist is a little bit of a reach. I was never a real pianist.”

She leaned forward, urging him to continue. They were completely enraptured by one another, and had somehow managed to alienate themselves from the rest of the group even though they were all seated at the same large table.

He opened his mouth, as if he were ready to dispel more information, but he stopped himself, mouth snapping shut. She did not miss the way his eyes flickered down the table, towards Dorian.

“I’ll tell you about it later. d—,” he cut himself off quickly, not meaning to call you by the seemingly meaningless pet name he had given you: doll. When he saw her frown he added a quiet, “I promise.”

They shared a lingering look, Y/N looking like the cat who got the cream, Bucky, revelling in her joy.

Dorian noticed.

He cleared his throat loudly, calling their attention.

“Can you pass me the salt, babe?” Dorian intervenes with a polite smile. She passes it to him, though it was easily within his reach. “So, Bucky—can I call you that? That’s what Y/N calls you,” he says, glancing at her with some sort of deliberate insinuation. “She says you play piano too...You any good?”

Bucky’s blue eyes harden into azure stones, yet he appears completely relaxed, seemingly unbothered by the sudden turn of everyone’s attention onto him. He holds Dorian’s stare easily as he shrugs one shoulder.

“I heard you get frustrated pretty easily, slammin’ on keys and whatnot? Be careful, man. Wouldn’t wanna fuck up that other hand.”

“Dorian,” Y/N quickly interrupts, sending him a warning glance.

But he plows on. “Must be pretty hard, I guess…” his eyes flicker to Bucky’s gloved fist, “With the metal hand and all. Why keep it wrapped up? I mean we all know about it, right guys?” He looks around the table before his gaze returns.

An uncomfortable hush seemed to fall over the table.

“Thanks for dinner, Rumlow,” he nods his head towards the host, who sits at the opposite end of the table. When Bucky stands, he claps his friend Steve on the shoulder and the blonde man smiles wearily. He looks as if he’s about to ask his friend something, but Bucky doesn’t let him. Instead he turns his gaze to her finally. She wilts beneath his gaze, but she holds it all the same. And for those four and a half seconds that they stare at one another, and the rest of the guests gaze on in shock, she becomes so aware of everything. The cleft in Bucky’s chin, the heavy feeling of her heart in her chest, the sound of the others shifting in their seats, Dorian’s hand upon her knee...how long had that been there?

Finally, he smiles with a genuine warmth, but it does nothing to ease her embarrassment or her anger.

“Have a nice night, Y/N.”

“You don’t love him, you aren’t happy with him.”

She did not let on that these words meant something to her.

Bitterly, “Oh, and I would be with you? You don’t get to talk to me about ‘happiness’, you don’t know a damn thing about it.” Her eyes narrow, “You know, Bucky, you couldn’t love me even if you tried. And if you did, I wouldn’t want you to, you know why?”

He doesn’t want to know why.

“Because you would make me miserable, you would drag me right down with you into whatever the fuck this—” her voice grows louder as her eyes flit around the dimly lit room and her hands flail in the empty space around her “—is! This darkness. Your fucking sadness, I hate it. I hate it. You wallow, all the time, for fuck’s sake. And I know you will never find it in your miserable ass heart to get the off your ass and get the fuck over it! And that’s why. That’s why you could never love me and that’s why I wouldn’t ever want you to.”

The words string together into a serpent that coils around his heart, suffocating the throbbing organ with cold hatred. “You’re wrong.”

But she ignores those two words, but they would linger with her for the rest of her days.

“And I can’t fix you,” she keeps going, the words spilling out of her as if he’d broken a dam somewhere behind her lips. “I wish I could, God, I wish I could. I want to. I’ve tried to be there for you in every way I know how.”

In every way except the way I want you to be, he screams silently.

“You can’t be there for me while you’re with him.”

“James, he has nothing to do with this. This has everything to do with you. You don’t want to change. I know you don’t because I have tried to get you to! You just fall into the same shit over and over again. You drink, you’re sad, you’re sad, you drink.” His blue eyes harden. They stare at each other for a long moment.

Finally, “It’s not your job to fix me, Y/N, no one told you you had to do this!”

Dorian had told her the same thing.

“Why do you keep lending yourself to him like this, Y/N?”

“What do you mean?”

Dorian rolls his eyes and scoffs, “You know exactly what I mean.”

“He needs someone.”

“That someone doesn’t have to be you, you know?” He is angry, but he’s trying not to be. “You spend more time with him than you do with me! He isn’t your problem to deal with.”

“He needs me.”

“And I don’t?”

You’re never around, she had thought to herself.

“He needs me more.”

“Jesus Christ, it’s like the fucking blind leading the blind! You’re so exhausting, you know that? You’re constant need to make me feel ‘better’. Well, everything you do just makes me feel worse. I don’t want pity, alright?”

“I don’t pity you!”

“I see the way you fucking look at me. You’re just like everyone else.” He doesn’t realize when he says it how badly it wounds her. “But you don’t have to be, don’t you get it? You don’t have to be what Dorian wants you to be, you know? You don’t have to be the bored housewife or the complacent fiance or whatever the fuck he wants from you. You don’t have to be like that!” His voice pleads for her to hear him, she does. “You don’t have to fake it when you’re with me, what you feel. You’re happy with me. And if not with me, when you’re away from Dorian. Don’t fucking try to fix me when you’ve got your own fucked up shit to fix. Christ, Y/N...you can’t do this anymore. If you keep going around doing everything for everyone, trying to make them happy, then what? Who’s going to be there to do the same for you?”

The silence is palpable. She hates him for a moment. With his ruddy cheeks and kiss-swollen lips. His bright eyes and the dark eyelashes that surrounded them. She hated the way he stood before her as if they had belonged to one another, as if this had been more than a friendship. She hated how he was so careless with his words, she hated that he could read her every expression. Even the most minute flicker of something across her face...he caught it. She hated him completely. They both know it. But the feeling is fleeting, for seconds later she wishes that she had let him touch her just so that they might not have argued this way tonight.

I would do the same for you, he wants to say.

And she would say, I’m sure you would, if you could. At least that’s what Bucky thinks she would say.

Her voice is quiet when she starts, “You do things like that for people you love. But you couldn’t even begin to understand what that’s like.”

“I did love something.”

“God, I know!” She is exasperated, “I know, James, I know, I know.”

“You don’t know!”

Sympathy floods her eyes. He hates that she looks at him that way.

But she nods. “I know, baby,” she says this to him without thinking, her voice so soft that he is afraid she might really cry.

He wishes he hadn’t see the way her eyes flickered to his metal arm.

Her voice is in his ears again, “I know, baby, I know.”

She kisses him. He doesn’t realize he is crying until he tastes his own salty tears on his mouth.

Truth is, she didn’t know and she couldn’t know. She couldn’t know how it felt to have lost one’s entire purpose in life. To have lived years believing that he had lost his greatest passion love in life, only to have found the real thing again. Even more real and potent than before. This is the woman he has bared himself to completely. She has peeled back every layer, searching and searching until she had found herself in the heart of him. Here in this room, this darkened room with its covered windows and the piano that sits in a lonely corner. The room that holds hours of his tears and his melancholy, his cries of frustration and whoops and hollers of joy. The room where they spend the most time together. She sits and listens to him play, even when his fingers, long with muscles and knuckles that shift beneath his skin, move clumsily across the keys. Y/N, who has soothed his frustrations, even before this, before tonight. Before their kiss. Before this futile argument. Before she called him ‘baby’ with such confidence. Before everything, she was there...Y/N who was about to walk right out of his life. She was the love that shined brighter than music, than the piano, than his dream of becoming someone great. He knew now that the only way he could ever be great would be by loving her, letting her love him.

There was a finality in that kiss. In the way she leaned up and kissed him again and again after. She touched his cheeks with her gentle hands, wiping away that hot tears that stained his cheeks. She pulls his face towards hers and lets her eyes flutter shut as their foreheads touch. Bucky doesn’t know what to do. Should he touch her? Should he kiss her again? Should he make her stay? Would she stay if he begged her to?

“I have to go now,” she whispers.

“Stay.”

“I can’t.”

“I wish you could.”

He kisses her one more time and she lets him. She lets his hands grab her and pull her flush against him. He absorbs her warmth, and tries, quickly, to remember the way her mouth tastes and the way her skin feels beneath his eager, wanting hands.

“Come back,” he says at the door, just before she turns to walk down the hall.

And she smiles, and it is so bright and warm that it makes his stomach sink. They hold each other’s gaze for another long moment. She wants to kiss him again. He wishes she would lie down with him forever and forget about the rest of the world. They are caught up in one another again for the last time.

She nods her head. A false promise. The embittered artist knew she wouldn’t ever come back.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky angst #bucky fluff #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #marvel fanfic #marvel imagine

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hold-me-dolan · 6 years ago

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DM’s: E.D. x Reader.

A/N: Hi guys, this is my first EVER imagine/fan fic/whatever. But please don’t judge me too hard, and try to learn to love me lol

Warnings: college behavior

The Dolan twins. Ugh. Where do I even start?

You haven’t even been a fan of theirs for a month yet but they had already stolen your heart. There was so many things about them that you adored. The thing you loved most about them was the way they seemed so sincere when they were addressing their fans.

Before you watched the Dolan’s YouTube videos you knew them from their Vines. You thought they were just another set of guys trying to go big time from their good looks and humorous behavior. But that was back when they were about 15 years old. It wasn’t until your younger sister made you sit down with her to watch their YouTube videos. At first, you were annoyed and acted like they were too young for you. But as soon as she showed you their survival video, you had a thing for Ethan. He was the kind of guy you always wanted: he was funny, sarcastic, immature, and always making fun of his brother. For some reason this made you smile.

Even though you loved both of them so much, there was something about Ethan. That boy just made you smile more than you thought was humanly possible. Anything he did made you go wild. And yeah, his twin brother, Grayson, was extremely hot and so sweet, but Ethan’s goofy and dominate behavior made your insides quake. That was when you were determined to make that boy YOURS.

After watching a few of their videos, you looked both of them up on social media. You were soon aware that Grayson had way more followers than Ethan. Finding this out made you sad because you knew that Ethan was just as hot as Grayson, but he had a different personality. Not that you didn’t love Grayson’s sweet and loving demeanor, but there was something about Ethan’s humor that made him your favored twin. And for some reason, you couldn’t figure out why Grayson had so many more followers than Ethan. Almost as immediately as you were saddened by this fact, you became happy. The fact that Ethan had less girls flaunting over him made you smile. You knew that you might have an even better chance of getting Ethan’s attention since more girls were obsessed with Grayson.

As a college girl, you went to a few frat parties. You didn’t make it a point to go out, but one night when your sorority sisters influenced you to go to a social you found yourself kind of drunk. Getting drunk wasn’t something your normally did, but you thought that you would let yourself get loose after months of staying locked in your apartment.

Because you were kind of drunk, you found yourself more confident than usual. You were introducing yourself to almost every guy you saw, and teasing them about anything and everything – since that’s the type of girl you were….

----- BACKGROUND: your whole life you grew up only being friends with boys and you were closer with all your male relatives. You didn’t like girls, so it shocked even you that you were in a sorority. Most people just thought you were a tomboy. But only you (any probably your parents) knew you only liked boys because you were majorly obsessed with boys. Ever since 1stgrade, when you found out about “kooties” you were embarrassed about liking boys. That’s why you always hid your obsessions with friendships. The fact that your friendships never turned out to be something more made you really upset, but you never let anyone see that side of you. You always went along with it, and acted like one of the boys. Even when your best friend called you “one of the boys,” you weren’t upset. You led yourself to believe you were truly a “boy.” You thought you would never find love, so you found peace in the fact you always had boys to love you, even if they were just friends. ----

(NOW) Once you realized you truly in fact loved Ethan, you decided you would let your guard down. You decided since he and his twin were so famous, you had nothing to lose and you could show your true emotions. That’s when you made your mind up and decided you were going to get Ethan to notice you, no matter what.

You knew that the twins had so many girls loving them, and your little messages wouldn’t be noticed. So you messaged them on Instagram. You weren’t shocked that they didn’t reply, let alone they didn’t even read your message. You were upset but not really since you knew how famous they were. That was, until one night when you were very drunk.

Most times when you got drunk you just went back to your apartment and fell asleep. This night, though, you were feeling really lonely because you saw your sorority sisters pairing off with boys from the party. Your tom-boyish personality made every guy love you, but deep down you knew it wasn’t what you wanted. You played it off, acting like you loved being every guy’s best girl-friend. But when you were drunk, you always showed how you really felt about never having a boy for yourself.

On this night, though, you decided to take your shot. You messaged Ethan, only, on Instagram. The alcohol gave you an extra boost of confidence, even though you knew he still wouldn’t see it. You messaged Ethan,

“I love you so much, please say ‘Hi.’”

You went to bed smiling, hoping to get a reply from Ethan.

You woke up the next day to the sound of your alarm clock with a pounding headache and regret from all the things you did from the night before. You tried not to think about the fact that you challenged almost every guy you say to a shot gun race, saying you could beat them (even though you did.) Thinking about all the beer you consumed made your stomach ache, and you rolled over trying to fall back asleep. It was 8 a.m. and you decided you weren’t going to make it to your 9 a.m. You fell back asleep and tried to forget about the embarrassing things you did the previous night.

You woke up later, checked your phone, and noticed it was 1 p.m. You were happy that you ~somewhat~ got rid of your hangover by sleeping it off. You decided it was a good enough time to officially wake up and check your phone. You were still hungover and somewhat dizzy, when you saw an Instagram notification saying “message from @ethandolan.” You assumed it was a fan account, since you followed a few and liked a lot of their posts. You first checked all your texts and snapchats from your friends making sure you were okay. Once you got through those, you clicked on the Instagram app on your phone.

You scrolled through a few posts, then you decided to check out the Dolan fan account that messaged you. You assumed it was just some crazy girl trying to get you to make them more popular, and you rolled your eyes. When you swiped over to your messages, you thought you were more hungover than you thought – maybe even still drunk!

You saw the blue checkmark next to ethandolan and you blinked your eyes. There was no way Ethan really saw your message, or even messaged you back. You closed your eyes for a moment and blinked before looking back at your phone screen. Then, you really thought it might be the real Ethan Dolan that messaged you.

You got really excited and clicked on the message immediately. You saw your message from the night before, and quickly got a sense of embarrassment. Your cheeks were burning up, and you closed your eyes again. Thinking about the message you sent Ethan the night before reminded you of all the embarrassing things you did at the frat party.

Once you got over your regrets, you looked back at your phone. You read the message “Hey girl! You’re so sweet! Me and Grayson really appreciate your love!”

You dropped and screeched. There was no way THE Ethan Dolanmessaged you back. Once again, you rubbed your eyes and blinked several times. Then you realized it was in fact the Ethan Dolan. You blushed more – if that was even possible – and quickly thought of a response:

“You don’t even realize how happy you make me.”

You locked your phone and dropped it, still smiling at the fact that ETHAN DOLAN answered your DM. A few minutes later, your phone buzzed. With your heart racing, you jumped and looked at your phone, only to see a text from your Mom. Supposedly you sent her a ~drunk~text the night before, and she wanted to make sure you were okay. You answered her, and tried to play it off that you were not as drunk as you actually were.

Just before you were about to get up and shower, you got another notification on your phone. Thinking it was your Mom again, you scoffed. When you looked at your phone you realized it was ETHAN. AGAIN.

You quickly clicked on the message, and saw:

“Don’t say that.”

As you were about to type, you bubbles pop up. Eventually, you read his next message:

“Y/N, I promise I don’t do this. But… what’s your snapchat.”

You had literally never smiled more in your life. You gave it a couple minutes before answering him. Almost immediately after you sent Ethan your snap username, you got a notification saying “Ethan Dolan has added you as a friend!” You could not believe what was happening. You clicked on the notification, and added him back. That’s when you thought nothing good could from this. Your heart would be forever broken if he wanted nothing more than just another fan on snapchat, to prove Grayson he had more fans.

A/N: please lmk if you want a part 2! Idk if I'm any good at writing this stuff, but I find it fun (lol, right.!) yeah so message me if you want more, or if it was terrible just tell me to stop :) I won’t be offended considering I haven’t written short stories since 4th grade. Also, I haven’t used Tumblr since 7th grade, but I'm trying to get back into it :)))))) maybe I shouldn’t lol ok goodnight!

#dolan twins #Ethan dolan #dolan #Ethan x reader #Ethan Dolan imagine #Ethan imagine #Dolan fan fic #please love me #Grayson Dolan

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lokbobpop · 3 years ago

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Forgive

transitive verb. 1 : to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon forgive one's enemies. 2a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital (see requital sense 1) for forgive an insult. b : to grant relief from payment of forgive a debt.

Forgive” never meant “untie.” The root of “forgive” is the Latin word “perdonare,” meaning “to give completely, without reservation.” (That “perdonare” is also the source of our English “pardon

Forgive for give forge ive for gave for g ive

Writing forgive

I have written this word a million times it feels but of cause i haven’t it just feels that lets say one thousand within my process to life as this is how it is said. ‘I forgive myself for allowing and accepting’ this is it this has changed my whole life as it were by forgiving myself many many times ive actually let go of what it is that has been keeping me down it wa s only myself anchoring me down im pulling up the weight the mind has give me to carry to the burdens i think are real but never was real to be able to let them go so i cant live life fully.

Reading forgive

I first came to know about forgiving myself was after a book i read by a don someone it said to write out al you want to forgive about yourself or another so i did i went under my favorite tree when had now been bulldozes down and lent up against it and write then all out one by one and yes after the were all done i was great i felt lighter better but it wasnt until i found Desteni i really found out what self forgiveness could really do for me it has changed my life it has given me the opportunity to live this life to be the best life i could have to be happy to not be weighed by my mind every little even means something like the bus ride home just now where i old guy was angry at me for not wearing my mask properly so I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the anger to come up with me today on the bus when an elderly man got upset at me for not wearing my mask properly i see now his fear of catching covid was very valid and my refusal was just out of my ego being knocked by i guy i felt had no right to speak to me in that manor and not realizing how selfish and spiteful i was being by not obeying his right to be scared of me with having my mask down low and all my being upset was just ego of how dare you do that to me like who do you think you are talking to me this white women and you are just some old guy you don’t even know me came up within me which is to totally unacceptable i see realize and understand now that i should respect others whether its in fear or not this is there right and i have no place to put them or another in danger.

I think I definitely dont forgive enough i should definitely forgive myself much more than i do its like ok ive go this I understand what i have done wrong so i don’t need to forgive it but i do it just ends the problem better by forgiving it should i say.

How it has been hard to forgive some people like my alcoholic father ive been hanging on to not forgiving him like i think or should i say feel that as i dont do it he will be punished in some why but its not him at all being punished it me punishing myself only by even doing this he has nothing ot to with my hate for him he’s fine where ever he is in life its only me with the problem he’s Scott free as it were lol im missing the point of of freeing myself from him and what he did to me i missing me in this and only see in its him and my blame my blame doesnt hurt him at all no but it hurts me yes it hurts me big time so I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the blame to com up within towards my father for who the was as a parent to wards me and how i blame him for the way i feel now and for many years that the was a bad father yes he was a bad father but who i am within that is whats that matters so im forgiving myself for carrying blame towards him for what i feel he did to my childhood because i did see realize and understand i am exactly the same as him angry pissed off with life and that all i need to have done was take my own responsibility for my own thoughts and feeling towards him to heal me because thats all that is left is thoughts nothing real just thoughts of the past which need not affect me now in any way what so ever.

Well I think i could spend days writing out self forgiveness hey yes maybe i could do a self forgiveness day or just do more as i go along i think this would be better idea.

To forgive is to release your self from yourself your mind which you have come to believe is you

A what i called a mean girl just came to mind she was angry and I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the fear and revenge i have for her and towards her to come up within me as an energy that is is nt real that really i do love her and i see that she is in anger just like me and we were stuck in anger energy I forgive my fear towards her and revenge i held against her.

I forgive myself of so many things in my life all the trial and tribulations i have had that i have inflected to my physical over and over again that i feel sometimes despot works and i can’t see myself heal and think shit why am i not getting better a;l that has got better is one growth under my eye and wanting more things to so within me to feel normal heathy me I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the disappointment within myself right now that ive not done better and have judged myself to be still back of the pack within comparison to others within process that i want I stand gratification as most do now without seeing i need to clear pathways within me to move better and that i am getting there i am doing it and its ok where i am as this is where i am meant to be right here.

Saying forgive

There’s this warmth from the word within me like i forgive me im sorry for what i do and i will learn from what i ahve done wrong to be a the best version of me yes this is a process and im in it.

The thought of having ot forgive people i dont want to forgive because i think they deserve my anger but they no nothing of my anger they feel nothing of my anger so its only myself that suffers hey so why do i do this to myself why would I punish myself when i havent done anything wrong its fucking nuts to even think i do that lol

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to feel down in the dumps right now to see myself as not good enough and putting myself down with my process i will get there i will do this this is but the mind this is not me I couldn’t possibly ever get down this would be a complete impossibility for me as my real self doesn do this get down so it has to be the mind then bringing in a poor me lol Yep hell o mind i will find you hunt you down a kill you lol.

Does this definition support me no and yes a bit of both going on here i could definitely do better than i am doing with my self forgiveness and see where i am living in the mind more often but the more i do the more i will heel im sure of this i need to apply myself and just keep doing it :) go girl

Forgive to give

Forgive

To release my from my mind to be able to live my best life ever

To release mechanism the keys to my upmost freedom and to help others see there potential within themselves.

I will and do use this word to live the best possible life in this my last life on this earth in my physical

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byunrelatable · 7 years ago

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ok on the ask game, 5 + 19 !! this is gonna get long bear with me oof. i’ve confessed to two people, one was a boy that i was once close with but he ignored me after we broke up :”) it’s fine he’s an ass anyway. but the second person is my current gf and holy uh this is actually kinda personal so i won’t go too in depth but we can say i did it bc it was too much not to anymore (pt 1/?)

.hi kam!! i love u thanks for the asks and thanks for sharing your story!! im really glad things worked out with you and your gf, sounds like you two have truly been through thick and thin together, you must have a very strong bond. that makes my heart feel very warm, im so happy for you!!

im going to put the rest of your asks, as well as my responses to the questions, under the cut so this doesnt become a super long post. to answer 5 and 19 in short, i will say that my answer to 5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? is yes, and its an embarrassing story, it also involves underage drinking so anyone uncomfy with that should not look under the cut!! and my answer to 19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted, i’ll probably keep that answer pretty short but true to my word, everything is going under the cut from here on out. thank you for sharing your story kam

send me two way asks!!

here’s the rest of kam’s asks:

we didn’t date then bc things were complicated (like i said, pERSONAL) and i,,,, did it a second time with her months later,,,,, i wouldn’t have if my friends didn’t push me to do it but they did annnddd we started dating then!! and haaaaa i uh,,,, did it once more at the end of feb this year,,,,,, bc we weren’t together at the time (this is also very personal so i could tell you abt the whole thing privately if you wanted) (pt 2/?)

in short i woke up and she asked me to be her gf again sOo, lol it’s all fun. aaannnddd here we go okay i literally just texted my gf as i write this oof but i think one of the fondest memories i have is both kinda negative but i view it positively? it was around the end of january in 2016 and we had been talking for a month or so. at the time i wasn’t in the best state of mind. (pt ¾)

i don’t remember the conversation word for word, but i have recollection of crying a lot at school waiting for my exam and just realizing how much i cared abt her and her about me and i think that marks the moment we became best friends rlly and damn who would even think to get to where we are now oof not me?? (pt 4/4 i went all out i’m sorryajsndnf)

what a story!!! like i said before, im really glad it all came together in the end, and that you have such a wonderful supportive gf

5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? yeah okay. from seventh grade until 11th i had a huge crush on this boy in my class. he was always doing crazy cool exchange programs. in 8th grade he went to school in coasta rica for a year, we e-mailed (lmao) all the time while he was gone. he came back in 9th grade and i was so so excited to see him again. he left again in 10th grade, and that was a hard year for me. my dad and step mom (who practically raised me) were getting divorced and i was going through some weird shit with an older guy (gross. he’s gross and predatory and i didnt know better cause i was like 15/16). so i started drinking and sneaking out and partying.

the kid i had a crush on came back in 11th grade and i was ecstatic. we picked up our friendship where we left it off. but here’s the kicker: he was (and probably still is? but probably isnt as much of a hardass about it) a devout christian, and drinking was NOT in line with his values. he had heard from his mom that i had been doing stuff like that, and he brought it up and said he was concerned. i told him i’d stop, because i was young and i had had a crush on this kid for over four years at this point, and our mutual friend kept dropping hints that he was interested, and.. sigh. so i told him i’d cut the partying and he said he had to see it. fast forward to spring, i applied and got into a program which sends students to japan for two weeks, and this kid also got in, and i was STOKED to be in japan with him for two weeks. the first week it was fun. our last night in tokyo, i wanted to spend some time alone with him, and the rest of our friends were planning to buy some sake (we were literally 16 but they did it, they didnt get carded) and drink it at the hotel, and they wanted me to distract him cause they were worried he’d rat them out, and i was so down to try that because i wanted to spend time with him anyways. so i asked if he wanted to go on an adventure–just go get on a random subway line and see where it leads. he kinda blew me off, which stung. then in an effort to get him to hang out with me, i told him what the other kids were planning (they had specifically told me not to tell him). i told him, and said “so i really think we should just go somewhere else so we dont have to be around that.” he didnt listen to me, instead he followed the rest of the group into the convenience store and they were like uhhh, then he went up to my friend hannah and was like “so you’re buying sake huh?” and she looked at me like what the fuck arianna and i looked at her like im sorry i couldnt get him to come with me and he was like whatever and then he left the convenience store and our other friend jay went with him. i assumed they went back to the hotel. so i went back as well but they werent there. when i asked someone else where they were, they said “oh, they went out into the city on a random subway line just to go on an adventure!” the literal exact thing i had suggested. i was livid. moreso, i was really hurt. so i decided to say fuck it and get drunk, cause i had been abstaining from alcohol ALL YEAR for the sake of this ONE GUY who had really played me and led me on ALL FUCKING YEAR and lowkey for the past FOUR YEARS. so i was like, whatever. so i got drunk. then jay and the guy came back from their adventure. i asked my other drunk companions if i seemed sober (bad, bad idea. they were not good judges) they all said i seemed fine, so i went to give the kid a piece of my mind. get to his room and its just him cause his roommate had been with us in the drinking room. so i say, hey i need to talk to you. the first thing he asks is if i had drank, and i said no, like a liar with a big fat crush. then we sit down on opposite beds, and i told him i was really hurt that he rejected my offer to go on an adventure and immediately did the same thing with jay. he gave me a bs excuse like “it was kinda spontaneous” and i was like, thats bullshit. then i poured out my heart, about crushing on him for the last four years, about being a good friend when he dated hannahkate in seventh grade, about always waiting for him to come back, about working so hard to stop drinking just to be the person he wanted me to be. and i told him i loved him.

his response? “thank you for telling me.” and it shattered my heart.

when he walked me to the door of his room, he said “by the way. you were slurring the whole time, and your breath smells like alcohol. i knew you had drank from the start.” needless to say, THAT was embarrassing.

i go back to the room, drink more, eventually everyone leaves and its me and hannah. i tell her what happened, freak out a bit, cry.

the next day we woke up kinda early and went to this man-made island place i dont remember the name of, and we spent the day there. i was really quiet and reserved all day (not like me, then or now). i did not eat. when we got back to the hotel that night, hannah gave me a melon bread, and i said i wasnt hungry. she said “you havent eaten all day. if you dont eat this right now, im going to take your phone, delete [kid’s name] from all your contacts, delete every picture or video you have on your phone, erase him from your life. do you want that?” to which i said, no. and i ate the bread. it was tough love and i needed it. i was a little better the next day.

a few days later in kyoto the kid and i talked on a rooftop at sunset. i felt a little better after that. it was hard going through all of that, after four years of pining for him, but.. it was good. it was closure. i laid my cards on the table, i finally told him how i felt, and he rejected me. and it hurt, but there was nothing left to say, and it finally closed that door that had been slightly ajar for four years. and i was able to move on after that, fairly quickly actually. jumping back into partying cause i didnt have someone to impress kind of helped. well, it also kind of spun my life off in a horrible direction that led to a horrible depressing senior year of high school, but thats another story.

yeesh, that was long. on to the next one!!

19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted the most recent person i texted is my friend named nico. the first memory that comes to mind is last summer, we used to hang out a lot, one night we went to this 24 hour diner called beth’s cafe that we both love. we went at like 4 am and it was so so so fun. afterwards we watched emperors new groove in his bed and then passed out. i love nico so much. we used to be a lot closer in the summer, but at the end of summer i fucked up and we had a falling out. we still are friends and we still talk (i.e. we texted today planning to hang out this week) but.. its not the same. and i really miss the way things were before. golly isnt that bittersweet. now im a lil sad. but thats okay

thank you to anyone who read all that garbage uidsgfihjs

#asks #lovely mutuals #GOSH my confession story is LOOONG

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astownd · 5 years ago

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So lets start off with in the ends it is all completely and utterly my own fault.I should have been able to see the signs. I should have been a better person, friend, fiance, man, and most importantly a dad.

Where do I even begin?

I felt like I worked so hard for my family I was creating in my own way, making money in my own way. Got a house with the beautiful mother of my little boy, things were good for awhile, than rough, than covid, than bad. But before that we lived in an apartment, and the things i was doing and the substances (alcohol and adderal) were my coping mech. I would stay up for days, not eat, constantly trying to make every dollar I could to make sure we had a place to live freely. ( we both grew up in not so good broken homes). She made little mistakes one that completely don’t matter and are way overlooked, love her with all my heart.

but the drugs and alcohol started getting to me, i became irritable constantly, never wanted to leave, hated everyone. I was always mad, always needed my way. Than I cheated once and thank god that she took me back even after that. Honestly she did a ton and most of all the work. She is one of the most dedicated and hard working woman/mothers I have ever come acrossed. She never stops making sure our son has everything he needs plus more, working constant hours at terrible jobs, sometimes with terrible people. I didnt see the stress it was putting on her, the constant cries for just down time for herself, or her need to want to go out and do things. I held her inside and caged away. ( not literally lol) I really should have been showing her off and paying for her countless nights to go out and have fun with her friends because honestly she fucking deserves and deserved it. I couldn’t be any happier that, that woman is the mother to OUR beautiful little boy. After my first few mistakes I just started tumbling downhill. Never stopped making them. I am so fucking sorry and truly dislike the person i became over all of it. After all that we had our son, and we put down a down payment on a home. We moved in things were good for awhile, than rough because of my laziness and lack of will to do anything ever. It was a mixture of that but also a mix of me actually being comfortable where I was at for once in my life. I finally had a place I could call a home, I FINALLY HAD A REAL family I could call my own. So i just got more lazy, I just began to lackadiscally relax all the time and do nothing, didn’t help unpack, barely got stuff done around the house. The stress built on her alot, and I saw it. She wanted me to get a job, a real job. So I would be a man. And I agree with her, I was not a man, and honestly probably still not, but I am trying to be for our son. I wish her too but I know I lost that part of me. She would come home and just want to relax, but would have to cook and take care of our son. She needed time alone but also out, and I never gave her either. Im so dumb for alot of things, but honestly losing her has to be by far the dumbest thing I could have done besides trying to take my own life after the fact. I wish we could have fixed it, I wish we could have communicated better. We both have mental issues, more me than her by far, and hers were probably caused by me in the end. But we got super bad right around christmas time, real bad, i was basically staying upstairs in my gaming room, my clothes were in the dressers anymore, they were up there. But like two weeks prior of one of the worst days of my life, things started to seem almost better. We were getting along again, I was seeing a smile in her face that I haven’t seen in so long. I feel so deeply, and honestly from the start of our relationship/ friendship her smile has always been my most fav thing about her. She even came an said to me “ why don’t you put your clothes back in the dresser, you have a family here, and we love you” because we got into an agruement over me being constantly needy and clingy. I was begging for her attentions for months but I didnt realize she didnt want to give it to me because I wasnt a man but I also was just ruining her along the way. So that night I didn’t move my clothes becasue it was late, but I got off the couch went downstairs and got into bed with my beautiful family. A week or two passes. I could tell she was being a little off. and at night one night she looks over to our son while were all in bed together and says I think daddy and I are better just as friends. Right away I teared up and began to cry because im so broken down at this point but purely because of my own causes. She says to me “ what you dont like the sounds of beings just friends” I said no, I love you, and so much more. She didn’t want to hear it, she didnt want to give me an ultimatum, or tell me what I had to work on. But she was in the complete right by far. So I eventually get quiet roll over and fall asleep crying. the next early morning I wake up to her flustered trying to pee. Our son wakes up so easily, so immediatley he gets up and follows her to the bathroom, its probably 630 am so Im dead asleep. I wake up and go right to the bathroom and she yells at me because she can’t go pee alone ever. In no mean tone or nothing I just said baby wake me up and Ill grab him for you anytime, and immediatley it started a fight because of the lurking thing from the night before. She said that we were toxic, that if we continued to be together now and longer that we couldn’t fix it and that we would always stay toxic. Clearly I didnt agree with that, begged and pleaded. It turned into the most heated agruement I have probably ever been in with some I have loved. I regret everything rotten and mean thing I said in my angry judgement. I didn’t mean any of it. I love every part of that woman, still even after all the things that have happened. and that she has maybe or maybe not done. But I was kicked out that day with nothing but my computer, xbox, wallet, monitor, and a handful of clothes. That is the day I LOST EVERYTHING my entire world. My entire dream, everything I began to strive but also wanted in my life. A home, a family, a beautiful wife, mother, and children. I went into a complete and utter psychotic break and was nuts. still am. I made her life hell, I scared her, I threatened her with taking our son away from her. So many things I did not mean but I would never do. Our son needs both of us, but most imnportantly he needs his mother. She worked and works so hard for him day in and day out and takes such good care of him. Sorry I needed to let it out somewhere, everyone near just says go fuck someone go do this. BUT NONE OF THAT is going to make me feel better, none of that is going to bring back my family, none of that is going to even help progress, if anything it would make things worse. So I sit and I remain forever loyal to who I would love to call my fiance still. But where I wanted to get at is WHAT the actual FUCK do you do when you lose EVERYTHING.She was my bestfriend, my everything, honestly probably the only reason geniune person I had in my life for a really long time so It was even worse, I had noone to turn to. No where to go. Noone wanted me . Noone wants me. I was just angry bringing everyone down around me after. Constantly drinking and just being stupid. Im really trying to get a better handle on things now though for my son. What kills me the most is before we had Wesser bean, she got preg before and had a miscarrage. Which kills both of us mentally, but more her than anything. That is her body, and that beautiful child was growing inside of her. We weren’t going to try again for the sake of our sanities after that. But on some of our long talking nights with one another we agreed that we wanted to try again, we wanted a family. But we promised to each other that we would never NO matter what let our children grow up like we did. In a broken home, a broken family. I want my son to be able to wake up next to his mother and father every living day and be able to enjoy all his little ups and downs. But I ruined that. I caused everything, I am the reason I lost everything. I am still so utterly confused and dont know where to go or what to do. My mind is always worrying about those two because they arent in arms reach and I cant be there quick enough. I still worry about her a ton even though everyone tells me I shouldn’t but that was my best freaking friend from almost the instant she curved me the first time. Thats the woman I loved, the woman I wanted to marry, the one I called fiance, but most importantly the mother to our child. So I will never stop worrying, or caring about it. I wish I had anyone, anyone that wouldn’t just push me off, or just give me some petty advice to go do some petty stuff like its going to slap her in the face? No becauses it not, she doesn’t love the piece of poop I am, nothing is going to slap her beautiful face. I would give anything to go back, fix some mistake, and be a man for them. Honestly I over think, thats my biggest issue. I love this girl to death, and I know im not adequate and she hasn’t had time to have fun or do the things she wanted too. But no matter what she has done, said, did, or didn’t do I would probably still take it like a grain of salt and do anything to immediately be back in her home, what I used to call home with them. To be a man, to be better. To be a dad. To be everything. Her and my son are my only lights, without them I just see darkness and it consumes me and just makes me want to do nothing, but it should burn a fire in me. I want them near by, cheering me on, but also helping me steer back onto the right path when im going astray. Its been three months now since I have been home, Since I have been able to sleep next to my son and wake up to his little smiling face. To be able to feel the warmth and hear my best friends voice on a daily basis. Shit three months since I have even slept on a mattress. about 2 months ago I took a estimated count of 32-45 pills of multiple different varieties. From pain killers, to adderal, to anti depressants, and sleeping pills. All one big mix. Got stupid drunk on top of it and tried taking my own life. I went to go lay down finally about an hour after I finished all the pills because I didnt feel well. The second my head hit the pillow I started throwing up really bad. I could not stop, I could not breathe. And the whole time All I could see Is my sons face. crying. not knowing where I went, What happened. Or why I was such a coward I would do that. about 5 minutes into me hurling I started to really not be able to breathe, I almost couldn’t choke the words out from the back of the trailer, I screamed as hard as I could from an ambulance. My mom came running in and looked at me and asked seriously If i needed it or not. I looked back and told her I would die if she didn’t. She called, I ended up waking up 3-6 hours later in a hospital bed completely and utterly confused but so fucking ashamed. They had a therapist or someone in there waiting for me to wake up, I guess I said somethings in my delusions of substance. But about after 15 minutes of talking to him and him seeing my sit. He looked at me told me they pumped my stom, and that If I didnt make that call My son wouldn’t have a father. Hearing him say that still kills me. I messed up big that time. they released me within 25 minutes of waking me up. no shoes, no shirts, puke covered pants, no cell phone at 630 am. What a wonderful hospital right? Try to take my life and they save it, but let me go just like I was nothing. I got to a near by store called for a ride and waited. Showed up home at my moms more ashamed and more sad because of yet another terrible choice I made. Tonight is the first night aubs have let me have our son alone for a time period. And for a solid 15 minutes I Couldn’t stop but also wanting to apologize so much to my son. He just came up to me gave me a big wesser hug, layed on me, and let me sing to him for 30 mins just like mummy used to do so he could fall asleep. I never felt a love like I do for my boy, loving a human like aubrey is wonderful and beyond one of a kind, but loving your child and their love back is something words alone cannot describe. I can’t ever be so sorry that I ever tried that, that I ever would do that to my son. He deserves so much better. I am slowly trying tho too. Not alot of people know because noone cares and I just want to be alone but I scraped together the last remainder of any cash or any value I had left and got 4k. Didn’t sell our wedding ring or anything for that money. (its worth is 4.2-5.5k) I be holding onto that thing like its my life, I constantly catch myself grabbing it and wearing it still like a loser lol.Went and looked at a little trailer today, needs gutted almost, decent amount of work. Guy was asking 4k. with the work it needed I went balls deep said 2, he hit me with 2.5k If the mobile home park accepts my background check hopefully Ill finally have a little place I can lay my head. Its been a rough three months, homeless I would say, couch hopping, place to place. I am done now. I am fed up with myself but with everyone and everything around me. I need to be better for my son, so this is my start and my little way I guess. I have been applying countless places, All I want to do is dive all my time into some form of work/ works and be alone unless my son ( his mother included one could wish) is the company. My bills would be utterly dumb cheap. I just want to work and help her out to provide but keep the beautiful home she chose for her future family. I want to be able to make sure I can reassure her she won’t lose that roof, or that she can go out and eat, or wes can have that toy. She works to damn hard to lose it. It was like a movie too, third house on the realtors listings. We walk through the front door threshold, immediate second she turned around with the smile I fell inlove with and said this is the one. AND BY god when this woman says she wants something or is going to do something, she fucking does it, does it well, sticks it to ya, and does it kick. Immediately she got an offer in and she got her home. I’ll never be able to fix the mistakes and wrongs I did. Never be able to give back all the time and tears and heartache I caused her and her family countless times. But I want to be able to be part of my sons life, to atleast try to atone for the terrible things I did. I want 0 pity by the way. This was soley for me. For me to let stuff out. I will forever love aub snuffalfugus. and of course our beautiful boy Wesley. I would do anything, give anything, forgive and forget anything this second to see her walking up to me holding our little man and say “does daddy wanna come home” or “ dad come home” or “ i think its time dad comes home”. I understand I never will get that chance and by far I never will get that chance. I understand I did this, I created this, and I am the one to blame. I pray to god every night that maybe right now just wasn’t the exact time or what we needed. That he will lead our path back together one day. I see glimmers of hope in dumb things, but thats my over thinking. I love that freaking beautiful furrowed browed woman and our son so much. and with me being gone, I can’t tell if shes struggling, I can’t tell if she cares, I can’t tell if she thinks about us, our old family, or the things that happened. She has such a good poker face, shes so good at holding things in. But she has been glowing, has been looking more beautiful than ever with her hair all curly and down. She is constantly in her phone texting and smiling, and when I say that I in no form care who or about what, I care that the fact that the smile is there and its the real one. She seems happier, healthier, and more together than ever and I hope that its not a front, not that it matters because shes a strong ass mom and she kicked thru it. I love seeing her happy. I love seeing her look good. i absolutely adore the fucking smile. I am trying to come to terms that maybe I wasn’t the right one, That I couldn’t make her happy, but I was placed there to get her through a time , but also for her to have our beautiful son. Now that he has come, she has seen that I wasn’t much of really anything, so she bettered herself. But even if shes not with me, as long as she is safe, our son is safe, they have a warm roof above their heads, and full tummies than I can’t complain. That is what im striving for. To just be able to simplify their lifes but to see her smile again, and I have been seeing it and she rockkkkk that shit. Everytime I see her I get into my feelings, but tonight hit me for some reason. Tonight really had/has me thinking. Forever stay our beautiful little chunk Wesser. I love you both.

ok done word vommiting, think im ready to cry if off in the shower lmao.

#personal forme

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shamelessmilkshakepanda-blog · 7 years ago

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Glen Elder Kansas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 67446

"Glen Elder Kansas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 67446

Glen Elder Kansas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 67446

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Is there any way I can avoid paying car insurance for 2 months?

I'm going to the east coast and my car is just going to be sitting in my garage for 2 months. Is there any way I can avoid paying for insurance? I live in CA.

""Lawsuits have been limited to $250,000 in California for years now - insurance costs haven't gone down...?

...at all. Why do Republicans pretend that is the solution to healthcare costs?

How much does car insurance cost for a 16 year old?

Im a girl with good grades that would be added on to my parents insurance policy, can anyone give me a dollar estimate?""

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I am a 23-year-old female living in a small English town. I have not even had driving lessons yet but I am considering it but first I want to know how much would car insurance and tax cost?

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I got some minor accident on my record, something like bumping into someone and leaving a dent, I don't even really remember it was like 4 years ago. Anyway, this car was a rental that I dented and a very expensive one at that, ended up being 2500 to fix even though I could have popped the dent out for free. But because of this incident, state farm and geico are charging me out the wazo because I'm a 20 year old male with speeding tickets and this accident thing that happened a long *** time ago. The difference without the accident on there is amazing, so I'm trying to find a place that will ignore this thing that happened in SEP of 04. Anyone know of a place? Thank you.""

Insurance 2006 Eclipse?

What would the insurance be for my 17 year old sister who wants to buy a 2006 mitsubishi eclipse. A student, good driver, took all the classes in school.""

Car insurance?

My auto insurance has expired and I'm kinda looking for a new car insurance. I can extend the previous car insurance, but I just want to know about other car insurances as well so that I can make a good choice. I took a look at many car insurance company websites, but it seemed like I need to put all my personal information (not only about my car and my email address but also my home address, phone# etc) to get a quote. I'm worried that maybe they would send me all kinds of junk mail kinda stuff to my house if I put my address on the form to get a quote. Do you know any good ways of getting a quote without telling them my personal info? Any recommendation which car insurance company is good? Btw I've never got into any car accidents so I just need a cheap auto insurance. I drive '83 caddi.""

Glen Elder Kansas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 67446

What is a cheap auto insurance for a 20yr old male student?

What is a cheap auto insurance company for a college student 20yr old male, good grades""

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Ok, First things first please keep your ignorant opinions to yourself, i got a question most importantly im not an exception i am just asking a honest question others seem to fail. age:16 state:PA, MALE now not like other kids who think they want to go fast and stuff, fast and furious, ridiculous things i was researching cars like that, that happened to be non Lame to them but i need something for economy with todays gas prices, i am saving up a sum of money and wish to get a part time job so i can afford the car as well as insurance! i took interest in a 1990 s FORD MUSTANG I-4 take notice this is a 4 cylinder not a v6 or v8 i need honest opinions on insurance i dont think it will not be as astronomical as a GT take notice this is a LX 4 cylinder i need help opinions quotes.""

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so whats the cheapest place to get insurance i no cheap isn't always better but i need to have insurance info 21 male never had a ticket r accident please help

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Hi, I'm 18 and im living by myself, how can I own a car? I'm in the search of buying a car but before that I need to know after I buy it what do I need to pay when I registrate it under my name. Also when I get insurance? How much do I pay?""

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At 50 I would like to live without having life insurance. No dependents. What financial requirements in retirement accounts and cash should I have? Plan on having no mortgage. No loans of any kind. And retirment funds in check to get me $20,000 a year from age 70 to age 100. Roth Account equal to the above amount for incidentals like cars for cash and medical bills. Children or grandchildren will be beneficiaries to these accounts. Would anyone under these circumstances need to pay for life insurance?""

Can you drive your parents' car without insurance?

i am 16 and live in Washington and I was wondering if I had to pay my own insurance to drive their cars.

Is this a reputable health insurance company?

Does esurance.com list reputable companies or do they list just any company? It looks like I have found a really good deal for student indemnity insurance from a company called Time. Does anyone know if this is a good company?

Car Insurance price help?

I am 20 y/o, I am getting a 2002 Ford Taurus 4 door, I live in the Florida area (Miami), I have never been in any accidents I would be using the car to get to and from school and work, could you give me a quote on how much I'll have to spend a month on insurance Liablility or full coverage. Optional: could you state you age and how much you pay a month on your vehicle, and what insurance company do you deal with?""

Insurance for 1 month 19 year old UK?

Looking for insurance on a car for 1 month to drive around europe As you can't rent under 21, buying a cheap car is a better off option""

Can I sue my husband's car insurance company?

Me and my husband have been split up for a little while, we are not divorced nor have we filed.We decided to go on a small vacation to TN together with our children,to see if we can work thing's out. While there we had a bad car accident to were we were hanging on the side of a cliff in the mountain's by a tree with our 2 daughter's in the car as well. The car was totaled out by the insurance company, I didn't go to the hospital as nothing was seriously wrong at the time but now I have bruising and painful bruising. Can I sue my husband's car insurance company? I live in Kentucky for refernce to the different state laws""

Does insurance go up if I buy a car?

I'm 16 and I just got my license in California. My parents won't buy me a car because they think that if I get a car, my insurance rate will go up. Is this true? Or does insurance rate remain the same if i buy a car? THANKS""

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How much does car insurance (a mini van, like the type that window cleaning company uses) and public liability insurance normally cost? Can anyone just provide a rough figure? Just a rough figure is okay, coz it just used for my assignment about starting a business of domestic services. The lowest price is also okay! Thanks so much!!!""

Where the best place to get a good deal on cheap insurance?

I have a 98' cadillac sedan deville that I just paid off but i still want full coverge for it, if something would of happen to it.""

Is it illegal to drive without car insurance?

I recently moved to Brooklyn and I need to find affordable car insurance for my car. Any suggestions?

I know car insurance in NY is not less expensive in general, but any suggestions would help.""

Car Insurance question?

about how much does it cost for a 16 year old to be added to parents car insurance? allstate

""If you have insurance and someone else in your house gets a drivers license, does it make your rates go up?""

This makes no sense to me, but my boyfriend and I are getting our licenses and since we're 19 and have no driving record, our rates are going to be very high, so we were just going to put the car and the insurance in his moms name and just pay her, but she said that when we get our licenses at her address, it will make her rates go up automatically, because there are other people in the house with a drivers license? Is she just BSing me or is this true??""

Question about car insurance...?

theoretical question, if someone else was driving your car and was involved in a collision... you are insured but they were not insured to drive your vehicle (although they are their own)... they were given a fine and driving ban for 15 months. however should the third party seek compensation, who is liable to pay this - the uninsured driver or the car owner or the insurance company?""

""Car insurance, Comparison Websites and Credit checks?""

Car insurance renewal time, now need to shop around for the best deal available to me. Firstly though, Do car insurers check your credit rating and leave search footprints on your report? Also, do price comparison websites for insurance also check your rating? Also, where would be the cheapest place around for a 23 male, to get insurance. Thank you""

How much would car insurance be ?

I was just wondering how much insurance would be im 17 a girl (ive heard insurance is cheaper for girls) and about to start my lessons but was just wondering what the insurance cost is on a fiat cinquecento or a vauxhall corsa (which model of vauxhall corsa is the cheapest?) I live in a fairly rural area would this make any difference to the insurance cost ? Would it be cheaper to maybe go on my parents insurance ??? Also what insurance company is the cheapest? Please please please someone help :L

Subsidized health insurance for age 55+ in California?

Is there a subsidized health insurance program for people age 55+ in California? I used to live in Massachusetts where my father-in-law has MassHealth insurance coverage. Any program similar to that in California? Thanks!

Help with Car Insurance?

My current car insurance will expire tomorrow at 11:59pm and the new one will take effect at 12:01am. Am I going to have an issue with that 1 minute of non coverage? I know this might sound silly but I just don't know if that will be some kind of an issue. Any help is appreciated. Thank you.

Glen Elder Kansas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 67446

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/cheap-insurance-quotes-google-sean-wagner/"

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decadenttimetravelmentality-blog · 7 years ago

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My car insurance quote is 5,000?

"My car insurance quote is 5,000?

This is the cheapest quote given by the companies. I am 19 years old and working in a minimum wage job. How can they expect me to be able to afford 5,000 in insurance when I'm only driving a 250 car? How can this price come down? Will waiting until I'm older reduce the price?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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Is It Fine to Do Online Payment Transfer for Impounded Car Insurance to a Company ?

Hi there, I am trying to put a question here for the yahoo community in a bit detail to give a clear picture of situation and try to get some useful information regarding it. What happened is my car got stopped over by police and towed away by their recovery van. Now i am getting an impounded car insurance to get it back ( Long story short , the car i was driving was without insurance as i had not received letter of my insurance cancellation and i was under the impression that i had insurance. By the way i had paid them in full for one year in advance and it was not a monthly direct debit payment ) I have searched and able to get a quote from two well know car insurance companies ( One of them is Impoundedcarinsurance.com and other is INSURENCE CHOICE ) and both companies are asking for DIRECT TRANSFER OF MONEY IN THEIR BANK ACCOUNT as they don't accept Credit Cards and Debit cards for the payment of temporary insurance. Today i and yesterday, i spent my whole days to contact these companies and get information for method of payment. I have a few points here to ask and i am sure your valuable information will guide me to make a decision to buy the insurance for my impounded car. ->First of all, I called my previous company which cancelled my insurance to persuade them for a temporary insurance to get my IMPOUNDED CAR BACK, The customer assistant simply stated that none of their policies can be used to get an impounded car back from compound. So they don't provide temporary cover for impounded cars at all. -> The second and more important thing is as i stated before, i had called a couple of companies yesterday for impounded car insurance ( In-fact i googled Impounded car insurance in Uk on google and it gave the names of main companies on FIRST PAGE OF GOOGLE ). If you would ever google Impounded Car Insurance , you would see one of them is INSURANCE CHOICE and they provide insurance for impounded car. -> And with that i called Insurance Choice today and spoke to the person who gave me the insurance quote yesterday for my impounded car and told me the method of payment as of Online Transfer to their account (Yesterday he told me that they don't take credit or debit card payment as mostly people take the insurance and get their car out of compound with the help of the insurance certificate and later on cancel the insurance giving the reason of unauthorized payment and hence claim the insurance money back, so that's why they do online transfer only). Today i was FRANK AND STRAIGHT TO HIM and told him about my question asked on different online forums and all the answers and suggestions which were discussed with me. I told him simply that it looked too suspicious to pay them by online transfer and hence i feared of losing my money and it can be a spam !!! -> Well the person there maintained and cleared his position by stating that He was going to give their company's sort code and Account number and it can be verified in the bank that what company the money is going to if i do online transfer ! Hence i had a record of payment to a CERTAIN COMPANY (Insurance Choice) for impounded car insurance and its all safe. So please advise in light of above mentioned discussion/inquiries that is it safe to deal with this company and do a payment transfer directly into their account. I have also mentioned this company's name as its on google for the authentication and i called on 01926 454 348 number which is on their page at http://www.insurance-choice.net/ppc/convicted/impound_insurance.php?gclid=CKHu1KKN2bwCFZShtAodWioATQ Please advise as this time is one of the difficult times of life ! Many Thanks.""

How much auto coverage should I have in Wisconsin?

I own a 2008 Scion tc, and a 1990 Honda Accord LX. The Scion still has a lien against the title, and I have full coverage for this reason. I use my Honda as a primary car to drive to and from work with liability coverage only. What I have for coverage now is: Bodily Injury: 500,000/person 1,000,000/accident Property damage: 500,000/accident Underinsured and uninsured: 500,000/person 1,000,000/accident Medical Payments: 10,000 Comprehensive & Collision: 500 deductible Is this too much? My agent said something about a new law in Wisconsin making it stack for each car, so technically, I have double that coverage, and my premiums just went up. I'm looking for a way to get some cheaper premiums without exposing myself to too much risk. How much insurance do I really need?""

How much would insurance be if i got this car?

its a 1992 toyota celica gt,i would be going under my dads insurance cause of my age and this is what he would be worried about.he has geico.im not going through drivers ed.his car is a 2004 dodge neon sxt.this is all of the info i can think of right .what would you say the insurance would be at a estimate?""

What is the fastest and best looking insurance group 4 or 5 car i can get?

looking for a newer car to buy that is not just quick but looks good.

Should I switch to a $20/month health insurance plan?

Alright, I have health insurance through my employer and I pay over $100/month. My friend has an individual policy and only pays $20/month. He thinks I should switch to have the same health insurance as him. What's the catch? Should I change health insurance policies?""

Getting a Permit in TX increases insurance rate?

hi. is anyone here from texas? i just want to know if insurance companies in TX really do increase your insurance rate once they are notified that your son or daughter has a permit to drive. AS if living here isnt already hard enough, lets top it off with this surprise.""

Why can't people buy health insurance over state lines?

Why can't the individual pick his policy out of state? Why can't this person and the family pick and chose the details of their plan? Not everyone wants a policy which the state mandates the use of chiropractors or psychiatrists. Zogby says: 72% of those polled (1,001 likely voters) supported allowing someone living in one state to purchase health insurance from another state, if the insurance is state-regulated and approved. (15% were opposed and 13% were not sure.) But... Current laws prohibit individuals from buying health insurance across state lines. Rather, they must buy what has been approved in their own state. What industry in America is insolated only to each state? So tell me, anyone that really knows the answer...why are we limited in our chose? Give me the rationale of any state legislator (you've heard)...they have to have some 'reason'. Then tell me what you think is the underlinging reason...thanks. I have my beliefs, but I would like to hear your arguement.""

Is the new ford mustang a good 16 yr old car?

I'm either preferring that or a Chevy Avalanche. Which would be safer/better performance?

Car Insurance on a 2007 Dodge Charger SXT?

I am a 17 year old guy and i was just wondering roughly how much insurance would be on this car. I know its probably really high i just wanted kind of a rough estimate ! -I have my G2 -I completed Drivers Ed -I live in Ontario -The car is used

What is the best health insurance for a newly married couple to get?

My husband and I just got married and are looking to get health insurance. we both can not get insurance through work. we live in arizona, my husband attends ASU. We are both involved in masters programs. We are looking to start a family poss. with in the year! what is the best coverage we can get, with our student incomes? thanks in advance for any advice / guidence you can provide!""

Need help with health insurance?

I don't understand about all the stuff with health insurance. I am 22, (male) I have a minimum wage job, and I have some severe mental and physical health issues in which I am in need of help. My job covers nothing. I need some surgeries (specifically my adenoids because of my sleep apnea, and need to see a specialist about some internal things) I really need to get on medication for my severe depression and other things but I have no clue what any of the insurance stuff means, I do not qualify for medicaid, and that's the only insurance I really know anything about. I don't know what deductibles or any of that stuff means. Can someone please help me understand and maybe suggest a good cheap health insurance plan?""

Please help first time traffic ticket In California?

So i got a ticket for no. Insurance on november and in the mail a citation of 859.00 due by dec. 10 dont have the money but i got insurance now..whats going to happen in court im very scared :/

My car insurance quote is 5,000?

Can you ask a car insurance company to lower your rate/payment?

If so, how would I go about that? I know that many companies have loyalty/continuous coverage discounts, but the discount for my current insurance really isn't enough, and my payment (I make a full, 6-month payment) goes up every time. Should I ask for a specific amount/percentage? Should I ask them to keep the cost the same as 6 months ago, etc? Thanks for any advice. **I've been with the company for over a year.""

Just curious.......How many of you have no health insurance but.......?

.......have cell phones, satellite TV, Wii's and games, smoke or drink. Since the average cost of a family plan is about $3600.00 per year, just wondering if you realized you could buy your own health insurance with the money you spend on these things. I am curious why luxuries would be more important to you than getting health insurance.""

Where is the best place to get cheap car insurance?

Me and my girlfriend are new drivers and are looking for cheap car insurance on our first car, what is the best place to go just so we can legally drive?""

True or false? I can save money on car insurance by choosing a higher deductible?

Pay the Extra Premiums for Whole Life Insurance Quotes?

I currently have a term life insurance policy and am considering converting it to a whole life policy. I'm married with no kids. My wife has her own life insurance and retirements already in place. We are not going to have children. The main reason I was interested in the Whole Life was the investing portion to supplement my current mutual fund retirement. Should I pay the extra premiums for the Whole life or should I keep the term life and put the extra money into a Roth IRA? Any advice would be great. Thank you

Home insurance?

I am buying a home. How do I find a home insurance company? Will my mortgage company help me with that?

Motorcycle Insurance Question?

I was wondering how much insurance would cost for a 16 year old in California, driving a Ninja 500r would be. New driver, taken safety course, and stored in garage. What companies would insure me (I heard geico and progressive were good), and how much would it cost? Also what is the minimum amount of motorcycle insurance needed? Please answer with as much detail as possible. Thanks""

Can my bf receive settlement from a car accident if he doesn't have insurance but the car that hit him does?

My boyfriend just got in a car accident. It was a hit and run. The police found out that the car that hit him was stolen but had full coverage insurance. The problem is my boyfriend's insurance expired 2 months ago. The police saw the accident happen and had him to come down to the station and file a report. Since he does not have insurance can he still receive a settlement for damages since the car that hit him has full coverage

Can i transfer moped insurance from one bike to another ?

ive got insurance on my piaggio fly 50cc which expires august this year, i can no longer drive this bike as i accidently got super glue all around the breaks and throttle and it wont budge, im going to maybe buy a new moped today for 300 and was just wondering if i get this do i have to cancel my old insurance and get a new quote and pay all that money again or cani just ring my insurance company and transfer it from my old bike to my new bike? thanks for any help! :)""

Rough Maryland motorcycle insurance rates?

Hello, I have two questions. First some info though, I live in Southern Md and am a 24 year old male who currently has a completely clean driving record. Right now I have full coverage with Allstate and am paying around 200/month. My question is how much should I expect my rates to jump if I get lets say a lower powered motorcycle ~$7500. Does the age of the motorcycle have much bearing on the rates? And now my more obscure question...What about an electric motorcycle at $15000? The only reason I thought it might be lower is in general they are simpler to operate, not as powerful, and have few breakable parts. Thank you""

Why are republicans fighting the health insurance mandate and not fighting the car insurance mandate?

If you have to buy car insurance and get penalized for driving without car insurance, whats the difference here? Its as much a privilege to drive as it is to receive healthcare. However no one thinks its an over reach of government to mandate car insurance. When you get in a car accident with an uninsured driver you have to pay for your own damage, so how different is it then when americans use the public healthcare system, the government has to use TAX DOLLARS to pay for their health care. Also why is it being categorized as a Government Takeover of Healthcare ? If I buy health insurance wouldnt it be more like a Privatization of Healthcare seeing that instead of having vast amounts of tax dollars going into the system, the health system would now be funded by the insurance companies by paying out claims.""

Which family/individual health insurance policy covers OPD expenses also in India?

Which health insurance companies are best, is it wise to buy policy from any of the companies which are listed there or registered with IRDA or we should keep certain things or criteria in mind? So that we should not feel sorry or guilty after buying or dealing with these in the need hour. THANKS""

Is there cheap health insurance for students?

If so does anyone know? or have it? best insurance?

Motorcycle insurance for a 17 year old in california?

hey im 17 years old, and got the money together for my first bike. i went down to the dealership and was about to buy the bike when i found out insurance cost like 4k for full coverage. i want full coverage but dont wanna pay through the nose for it. i have not owned a bike before and i really want one, but im not sure if i can aford to. so my question is does anyone know what i should do to resolve my problem? preferably recomendations of good insurance comannys. thanks so much""

Best car insurance companies?

I am 22 and needing to get car insurance for a 1996 Ford Escort. I only want Liability. Any suggestions?

Car accident and no insurance!! Advice?

My brother just got caught driving without insurance. I know this sounds bad, but he has been struggling with money for some time now, and has many school loans he is paying off.... Too make a long story short, he can't afford car insurance and made a dumb move to drive to work and back without insurance. Now a car drove in to him, and had no insurance to show the officer. He now has to show up to court to prove that he had insurance!!! I feel bad for him.....what is the fine? He wasn't at fault for the accident! He just got back on insurance but he didn't have it at the time of the accident.... What is going to happen? What should he do to save himself??? Please help.... :S""

""I am 19 and am a good student, not a reckless driver. How much would my car insurance be for a 2001 Porsche Bo?""

How much would insurance be for a 2001 Porsche Boxster S. My parents have good credit; we have a $2 million house, live in a good neighborhood in San Francisco. I consider myself a good driver. (I'm male btw)""

What are some of the cheapest cars to insure for a 16 year old boy?

I'll be getting my license in less than a year from now. I wanted to know what cars are cheap to insure. I don't want a crown vic, I don't want an unreliable car that constantly breaks, and I don't want an unsafe car such as a hyundai accent, chevy cavalier, etc. I want a sturdy car that can withstand an accident, no full size, preferably compact, but I'll settle for mid-size. I was thinking of a saturn because they're cheap and reliable. Or a Ford focus or ford contour. I also want to know if a ford escort is safe and reliable, cuz they seem like good starter cars. Out of these types of cars I've talked about, What makes and models are good? It doesn't have to be what I listed, and I'd like a list or a few cars that are cheap to insure.""

Best Car Insurance For ME?

I am nineteen years old, have a child, am married, and am in college. Does anyone have any recommendations on CHEAP car insurance? I plan on getting a used vehicle that I can pay cash for on the spot.""

Whats a cheap car to insure for a 17 year old?

Can I get car insurance without a valid driver's license in the state of Delaware?

1. My License was suspended due to an ERROR that involves the Division of Child Support Enforcement... 2. My Ex-Husband said he will pay for my car insurance if I transfer the car title & registration into my name (knowing that my license is temporarily suspended). 3. * My Ex is a Wilmington Police Officer in the state of Delaware. * 4. I believe my Ex knows that I will not be able to get car insurance (due to the fact that he is a Police Officer), therefore, that is why he is willing to pay for it. 5. Any help will be greatly appreciated!... Thank You!!!""

Age for car insurance?

I have heard that you cannot get your own car insurance policy untill you are 18. Is this true for new york state?

""Car insurance, it makes me think why bother.?""

Last year a neighbour crashed his car into my drive, damaging the railings, lucky my car was not there at the time and no one was hurt. He was charged as he had no insurance. I got a letter from the Police last week stating that he got 6 points and was fined 500.0. My car insurance is now up for renewal and I was quoted 600.0, obiviously I'm gonna have to get insured, but it does make me think why bother, what do you think???""

Will car insurance cover a moped accident?

I was rear ended by a moped. The rider forgot to hit the brakes and nailed the back of my car. She broke my tail light and there's scrapes on my bumper and quarter panel. The rider didn't have insurance on her moped but has liability car insurance for her car. Her insurance company is refusing to pay for my damages, stating her moped is not insured, therefore they're not covering any damages. What should I do? I got a quote for $380 to fix my car.""

Cheapest insurance company for a young driver without the blackbox?

i want to get a car but i dont want to pay 3grand with the black box. any other cheap insurance companies which insure young drivers with pass plus. thank you

My car insurance quote is 5,000?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/where-can-i-find-affordable-health-insurance-harry-elrod"

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21yroldmeesh · 7 years ago

Text

back again 7/20/17

iit’s been a year since i have written in this blog and dang it’s kind of heartbreaking to read the “ty” post. i mean ima just be open cause i’m sure as hell people don’t even know about this blog anymore L O L i have 0 followers L O L

things on the agenda: dan, guy who drove me to va, my first and last hookup

me and dan actually broke up over a month ago (6/16/17... i have a particular thing for dates) and it’s been a weird experience. i literally thought we were going to get married. you can talk to someone for 5 yrs almost everyday and it only takes a day to become strangers. actually you can get close to a stranger. we’re worse than strangers. with us, it’s best to spend some time apart because if we start talking, we don’t even know what we want from each other. like, we actually have such good chemistry but too much has happened too much pain too many lies. it’s one big clusterfuck. i don’t normally curse but i’m going to curse a lot in this post future michelle. i was willing to live in the boring ass town of ann arbor, michigan and i would have been perfectly happy for simply just being with you and being loved by you. i had so much love for you. your fungus feet, your crackly white tongue, you never brush your teeth, everything weird dumb annoying about you just stopped being that and it was “normal” anyways,

i decided to write again because for the past week, my mind has been all over the place and i think my friends are getting annoyed of hearing me out so here i am.

that night, i tried convincing him that id be able to forget about all that he has done. i was crying. i thought it was so fucking unfair man. whenever he lied to me and i’d try to break up with him, he always held on to me and i am a push over... i gave in every time. that day, we fought and yes, i said let’s break up but i told him i didn’t mean it. and then he just brought up how even though i didn’t mean it, everything i said was right and that we arent good for each other. he kept saying this was for us. we didn’t make each other happy. bull shit. i made u so happy. u were only “not happy” when i wanted u to be mature. i mean this is a memory i want to erase from my head so im not going to go into it. but i just felt so hopeless like you just tied up my arms and i couldnt do anything. i asked you to let me hold on to you ONE time because i let you do that with me. and you just wouldn’t budge. do u know how that made me feel? i felt like everything was my fault. if i didnt bring up anything, we would have still been together. we were doing amazing. you opened up to me for the first time literally the day before we broke up and damn everything just happened so fast. you made me feel like i was the type of person who didn’t let myself be happy.

well, the first night i was completely miserable and suicidal. i don’t even know how i survived but i did. for the first two weeks i cried my damn heart out. i let myself feel pain. i didn’t touch alcohol at all until i knew i was ready to not emotional vomit while drunk. i went in my car, blasted music as loud as i can, sobbed for thirty minutes until i was exhausted and came back home. once you hit rock bottom, you got to come up right? i couldnt be alone. i was always with friends. what the fuck was the MCAT right (ugh) i did this multiple times and i think by the third week, i was feeling pretty good and realized you and i weren’t good for each other. actually, correction, we weren’t good for each other because you weren’t willing to be. i guess i just wasn’t worth it to you anymore. well, correction, i didn’t give necessarily my all either. breakups are never on one person. you just lied to me way too much and i just couldn’t trust you 100%. i said i forgave u but i never really did, did i ? what is relationship without trust. it’s surprising how we even lasted this long. well, its because of our chemistry. whyd you have to go fuck it up dan. you and i had such a good connection LOL maybe u can have that connection with others but im just picky af LOL

actually, i haven’t thought about you dan for a very long time. i sound pretty hung up on you still up there but i’m not. something just happened recently which i will go into later

but actually i have not thought about you at all. its funny because ive been telling haram “who the fuck is daniel am i rite” hahaha its been fine for me. ill be sad but now i can be alone and just deal with it. im doing really well. when i was dating you, for some crazy reason, i thought i couldn’t be without you. why the hell did i think that? like i went through my darkest times without you and survived every single bit of it. why did i ever think i ever NEEDED u in my life? i havent felt depressed since we broke up. isn’t that the craziest? i never have suicidal urges like i did while dating you. im never sad for too long. im just doing me. being with friends. being with awesome people. meeting new people. and yeah i miss you, but damn i think the emotional roller coaster and the clusterfuck of lies (like you telling susan in MAY THAT U LOVE HER?!!?!?!) just made me like dumb and made me believe i just couldn’t let u go. love is insane. and i am insane. michelle in love. there is no logic in it whatsoever. i’m just the type of person to just give it all she got u know? fucking cheat on me, i’ll be here. fucking take my money, i’ll be here. i think id peace the fuck out for animal abuse doe. but anything else is pretty much game.

but yeah i am no longer that person. i am so special and cool to deal with that LOL im actually not a bad catch. i realized i am going to run far far away from someone who lies to me. it’s just not worth it. i love you. i loved you but damn i just kind of miss u as a best friend. nothing romantic anymore. i just miss talking to u and talking shit with u but you can beg for me back, and it is a huge no from me. also i really respect u stepping up with coco while im not in ann arbor. ur just a bad boyfriend. i always knew that tho and i still went in for it. none of that anymore LOL fck that for real. like i wanna be friends with u just so we can hang out. im not the same person anymore LOL and i just think we would really get along now LOL

when u said you couldn’t give me a ride i was upset but not really? i just understood. it wouldn’t have been good for us and last week, i don’t think i was ready to be in a car ride with u for that long even when i thought i was. looking back, i think it would have set me back a lot. thanks for making the best decision for us. you were always able to do that, i cant hahaha

but yeah anyways, this guy who i talked to for three days kind of offered to give me a ride. correction, we talked for two and then like he just decided to do that for me. very impulsive but i mean i get it, so am i

as we were talking, i realized we were way too similar to even have any romantic attraction. like, i know he did because i think he saw that as a good thing. but everyone else and me later on, realized, similarity for michelle kim is not the best. she needs excitement, passion, and just someone different for her fire. we were similar so we could have been good friends but i think i realized we couldn’t be more than that when he just started coming off too strong. idk, five days in of talking, he was just telling me don’t fool around with other guys and just like telling me to enjoy my single time while i can and it was very overwhelming. not to mention he dated a girl who actually became pretty closely to me recently and i actually really dig her so that was just a final like nope cause it wasnt worth it at that point.

so i get to ny and im having all these realizations about the guy who drove me to va while im out with my friends. as im getting all these “boyfriendy” texts im like nope nope nope nd telling my friends i think i have 0 feelings for this guy now.

next thing you know, my first and last hookup walks over to my friend asks her to smoke and he tells her he thinks im cute. i mean i didnt even know until like round 3 or even until he told me the next day. but yeah we just made quick eye contact and that was it. he joins us for round 2 and dang he is hot as fuck LOOL ok well maybe its cause i literally haven’t seen a guy that hot in a while. L O L like i always liked skinny tall guys. but he was like tall and fit?? like wtf?? LOL it just took me off guard and he was showing interest and i was just suuuuuupppppper drunk so we just went home to my airbnb. FOR THE FIRST TIME, I MADE OUT it was so crazy. like i dont think he believes me because he knew i wasnt a virgin but then i told him i never made out before so he was like so confused but didnt ask me questions cause i guess he just thought i was lying?? idk man. but ya we didn’t do anything except make out and when it got hot and heavy i was just like yo u want pjs and then told him lets just go to bed

l o l

and hes like a super big gentleman

he kind of didnt want to leave cause hed say stuff like ill leave when u go out. ill leave when u tell me to leave and i was like “ok u should leave now” and idk how but he just kind of stayed

and then he ordered food and idk we talked about his mom and my mom and we played this dumbass creepy game that we literally made up called black mirror black mirror idk man it was super fun and he even pretended like gdragon, hes a complete clown and i love clowns LOL but yeah he left and i went with my day, saw jane and joohee, came home and he texts me. hes like aksing to hang out and im like yeah if we dont get white girl wasted.

we meet at one of my fave places beauty and essex. it was awk at first because i did not expect it to be like a bar bar since i came during dinner time last time. but we ended up having a lot of fun and it was good. we tried going to fat buddha but line was too long and one thing led to another, he came over my house and we just kind of made out and i d k what happened but i was suppppppppppper drunk LOL like more drunk than last night that i was dropping my phone in the uber and i was a mess but we ended up having “sex” it was just super fast and weird man. he just felt so diff from dan so i felt really out of it but the other guy finished and i think alc was also hindering his performance and it was just a clusterfuck. we just ended up going to bed. next morning, i know he got into super big trouble with his mom and i felt really bad about that. and then he left. i went to va. he texted me saying have a safe trip and that it was a super fun weekend and yeah that was that.

im starting to realize i fucking like this guy LOL i mean i prob dont but i thought and think i do u know. im just not the type to do this and i feel like he got the worst image of me LOOL yeah my friends were like michelle ur not the type of person to just have one night stands cause one ima fall in love with them and two ur just not the type

idk i just lost myself from being in nyc

nyc is like the root of all probs

love that place but still crazy

and ya i think hes kind of cute but i also know hes not really down since im in mich and all so ya ohwellz we’re only 21

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